To mis-quote Crocodile Dundee, “That’s not a gun . . . THIS is a GUN!”
5″ / 62 caliber for the WIN!!!
Soooo, yeah, I just watched the second episode of TNT’s The Last Ship, and though I feared a second episode slump might reveal a loss in quality and fidelity from the excellent pilot, I was very pleased instead.
The plot, in brief (SPOILERS!), started where the pilot episode left off, with our duplicitous pa-Ruskie lab assistant, Quincy, talking over a secret sat-phone to his unidentified compatriots, who tell him to delay the USS NATHAN JAMES’ mission on the ground in Guantanamo Bay as long as possible. That mission is to gather supplies, food, and fuel so dear Dr. Rachel Scott, MD, PhD in SV (Sexy Virology) can synthesize a vaccine for the terrible possibly-weaponized virus infecting the world. She butts heads with the XO, whereupon XO Slattery butts heads with Captain Tom Chandler. The Skipper forces a pledge of loyalty out of Jayne — I mean Slattery — and they head to Gitmo for beans, bullets, and bandages. As they head south from Mayport, we get a little more in depth with the crew. We check in with our lovebird lieutenants, hear the COMMO warn her people to monitor distress calls, but to ignore them and to remain at EMCON, a prayer group shows off pictures of their missing loved ones, tactical crews train for land clearance ops, and we find out that the fuel they took from the cruise ship last episode is bad, but the Captain said to burn it at flank speed anyway, which gives the XO pause.
NATHAN JAMES reaches Gitmo, and a quick aerial survey reveals that it looks deserted. The ship moors pierside (a difficult trick without tugs) in order to refuel, and two tactical teams head out to get medical supplies and food. The teams encounter the dead victims of the virus, but are able to mask-up in time to avoid infection. The Captain goes all Captain Kirk and embeds with one of the tactical teams, and — sure enough — he is the first to encounter a real live person. This survivor stops them just in time to avoid a booby-trap, and he reveals that he is the last civilian security operator on the base, and that he and his compatriots had released the last few remaining Al Qaeda prisoners out of compassion, only to find themselves immediately betrayed. The terrorists killed Tex’s buddies (no shit, that’s his name) and are now waiting to ambush all three teams and then attack the ship pierside.
Boom, terrorists semi-sneak attack on two fronts. The refueling team gets shot at first, and the Chief Engineer takes a hit from shrapnel. Desperate to protect his people and the fuel, XO Slattery goes all WW-II on Al Qaeda and introduces them to a little something called NSFS, Naval Surface Fires Support. Boom, one round of 5″ high explosive shell ruins the terrorists’ day and refueling is able to recommence. Then the medical supply team gets pinned down, which is a problem since they are running out of air in the infected building. The skipper sends some shooters from his team to support them, and he continues with Tex and a few others to the food warehouse. In the food warehouse, we get firefight number 3, Tex goes all Splinter Cell and takes out a terrorist with a knife, but he is captured and held for hostage. The lead terrorist Amir demands NATHAN JAMES leave and claims half the food for himself and his five remaining guys. The CO counters with reason, while at the same time keying his mike and relaying his intentions to the ship through overly elaborate dialog. The XO gets his drift and drops the hammer one more time, blowing up the SE corner of the warehouse (my GOD, man, think of all those Twinkies!!) with a 5″ shell, and allowing the CO and the tactical team to finish off the war on terror. It all ends with relationships mended, the ship topped off, new badass comic relief on board (Tex), and with the arrival of a warship of NOT-Brits (they appear to be the Russians hinted at in the beginning).
The Goods: The naval chatter and use of ship-as-setting still works very well. Investigation reveals that the NATHAN JAMES is two ships, the USS HALSEY (DDG 97) and USS DEWEY (DDG 105), both of which were built in Pascagoula, MS, where my two destroyers STETHEM and LASSEN were built. I again appreciate the dedication to realism. I only saw one obvious hollywood set representing a ship-space, which was the Communications Room, but that is to be expected. That space is soooper doooper seekrit. I liked the tactical training on the ship, and the inclusion of more crew doing more things. A ship is a living thing, with its cells comprised of her crew. I really liked the prayer/memorial group. I appreciate them giving more attention to the issues of logistics this week, even if it still seems that they think maneuvering a ship and conducting refueling is as simple as pulling up to Pump Number 7 at the Texaco. I liked the disagreement between the XO and CO, even if it was a bit cliche, and I like Tex. I think he’ll add a new perspective and some needed comic relief. AND I LOVE ME SOME MOTHER FU**ING FIVE INCH GUN ACTION, even if elements of it were problematic.
The Less Goods: I have a fear that they are laying the groundwork for a trite mutiny storyline, with the XO and CO at loggerheads. Please don’t. Second thing, I just don’t give a shit about our two star-crosse LT’s working through the stress of having a relationship aboard ship during an apocalypse. I’m still dissatisfied by the Captain deciding on his own not to send a team inland last week in order to go to the virology lab the DOD had set up for them. He made it sound like it would be a 200 mile trek through a wasteland, but you have a HELO, Dude! You can FLY THERE!! I hated the Skipper going all Captain Kirk and joining the away team. I get the dramatic reasons for doing it, but HE DOES NOT train with those tactical teams and he would be a liability. I understand the dramatic reasoning, and even approve from a story-standpoint, but the CO would not be among the first folks going ashore. That’s dumb. Then there’s the whole issue with burning bad fuel at flank speed. Yeah, you gotta burn what you have available, but these engines are not the reliable old Dodge truck motors you depend upon at the farm. These are gas turbine jets in a box, which are VERY finicky about their fuel, and you ain’t got the parts support you need. Chandler should be babying those gas turbines. And while I appreciated the spreading-of-the-wealth and giving more enlisted folk more screentime, all the major roles are still with the O’s. Now, if you want a good sympathetic antagonist from which to foment mutiny, having a disillusioned 1st class petty officer or Chief with a good case and reasoning would be a great one. You know, someone who reasons that the Navy does not exist any more, so why are they following Chandler still? And, finally, while I love me some 5″ action, it’s a lot tougher than pointing at a spot on a map and pushing a button. Effective NSFS requires spotters and Gun Liaison Officers ashore, correcting your fire. They did not have that, could not have known where to aim, and the shells are not that accurate, they should have had a couple of misses, and the explosions were more like what you’d get out of a 16 inch shell rather than a five inch one. Still, it makes for a badass scene-closer.
Next week, USA vs. Russia, surface navy battle! Tune in and then read about it here!